DAY 124 : This is not easy.

Its not easy at all actually, its fucking hard. I just spent the last 48 hours in my bed, sick with god-knows-what! I do not remember ever having such a strange fever, and the nuclear diarrhea was something else. Feeling like shit, when you are nothing more than a wandering pile of shit, in weather that is hotter than hell, is enough to make you think of packing up your bags and leaving. And I am at that point.

Its not easy. Let me emphasize this. ITS NOT EASY! Really! Over the past 5 days, I have had to deal with the insubordination of my employees at home, lack of cooperation from my co-workers (when they are not down right working against me), sickness, extreme heat (yes, even for here), loneliness, boredom, and my own negative attitude.

I feel like my staff are in full revolt. My cleaning lady/cook has decided that I need to buy her a fucking motorcycle.  Well, not exactly a motorcycle, but it is on two wheels and has a motor so, thats what I am calling it. I can't even afford to by myself one, yet she thinks I am made of money and I can just buy her one. I have told her "NO!" at least 12 times now, and I am nearing my limit. I heard myself say something that my mother used to tell us when we were kids: "You can keep asking me until you are blue in the face, the answer is still going to be No!"

Furthermore, my night security guy decided he is master of my domain. He roams around the house, sits in the living room, and refuses to do his chores. Yesterday, he asked me for 1000 CFAs to bring out the trash to the dump site behind the house. This is an absolutely absurd request. I need to strengthen my role as the Boss and stop being so nice. I think they are trying to take advantage of the fact that I do not abuse them. I think they come to expect a certain level of abuse from white people who employ them, so they think I am gullible since I treat them with respect. Well, thats over.

I told Awa, my cleaning lady, that if she brings up the motorcycle one more time I will find another cleaning lady. I also told Ahmed, my night security guy, that if he can't remedy the trash situation, I will find a night watchman that can do it for less than 1000 CFAs.  Oddly enough, the trash is gone this morning, and I did not have to pay him an extra 1000 CFA.  I know you guys might think that I am being a little crazy for 1000 CFA (2$ canadian), but I only get paid 200 000 CFAs a month, and you can feed an entire family for a couple of days on 1000 CFAs, so its a lot of money in burkinabè standards, it would be the equivalent of asking for 20$ every time you took the trash out to the curb. Its ridiculous.

The situation at work has really been bringing me down lately. They brought me to the NGO because they consider me an expert in my field, which I am. They asked me to come. They chose me, I did not chose them. I wanted to go to Latin America. Somewhere like Peru or the Dominican Republic or even Costa-Rica, but instead I am stuck in this hell hole, but I digress.

So they ask me to come here, and I do. And I come willingly and happily. Happy that I am finally able to put my skills for the use of good and not evil. Happy that I am working for an NGO that helps sick people and not for a corporation that makes billions in profits every year the sicker people get (yes, they do exist, they are called pharmaceutical companies and they were my clients for many years). But you know, its hard to stay motivated, given the conditions I am working in.

Currently, there are 12 working computers in my NGO, 3 8 port routers, 1 ADSL wifi modem/router with a 256 kbits connection and a few printers. There is also a cyber-cafe that is not currently in operations that counts an 8 port router, 1 ADSL modem, 5 computers and 1 network server. I have so much work, I do not know what to do with myself. I used to support 100 users, over 125 desktops, 20 servers, a LAN, a WAN, and had 3 underlings, all this scattered across North-America and South-America, and I still found time to twittle my thumbs on a daily basis.

The people who work for the NGO, just simply do not listen to me. If I make a suggestion, it is ignored. They buy computer equipment or software, and do not bother consulting me on current trends or best practices. Yet they recognize they do not know what they are doing.

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And herein lies the root of the problem. The corruption has become a way of life, they all do it. I see things here that make my head spin.


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Oh, but I am told to shut up, thats how things are done here. HELL NO I won't shut up. I realize now how much fucking corruption there is in International Development.  And they do it, thinking its not a big deal. Grab the cash, or the goods, and then file another form to some other goody-goody organisation looking for a tax break.

Content edited to protect interest of theNGO.

 And keep in mind I am working for one of the good ones. I can only imagine what its like in some of the more, shall we say, shady organizations.

 I remember before I started working for the NGO, I had a conversation with Rachid, one of the volunteers that got here on the same day I did. He told me he didn't believe in International Development, that the whole system was corrupt and that, basically, he was just here for his piece of the pie (I am paraphrasing, but thats the jist of what I got from him). And as much as I hate to say this, I actually understand what he meant. At the time, I was severely offended. I couldn't believe someone who works in international development could think like that, but now, I see it. I see why, and how someone would be eventually drawn into thinking like that. The real challenge, is to not let yourself get sucked into it.

After almost an entire month of diarrhea free living, it came back! And this wasn't your run of the mill, I just ate something nasty diarrhea, this was more like, oh my god, my ass has gone nuclear, someone call the haz-mat team, duck and cover! My entire body was in pain, my legs muscles, knees, arms, elbows, everything hurt. Add to that a head ache, cramps, fever, chills...

Man, I am sick of being sick all the time. I spent 48 hours in bed. I am actually still in bed right now, 60 hours into this, but I can walk around without holding on to stuff, and the headache, fever and muscle pains are gone, and not a moment too soon. Feeling feverish in weather that reaches 42 degrees celcius is not a pleasant experience.

So, Joël came to visit. After waiting for 10 days in Ouagadougouga, thanks to the volcano in Iceland, he finally made it to Bobo-Dioulasso, and stayed 2 weeks. I am not entirely sure he enjoyed his visit. Burkina Faso is a tough environment, even as a tourist. I know it was not at all what he was expecting, but nonetheless, I was happy to spend time with him. It was nice to have him around and to share my life with someone from back home. It was also interesting to see how he reacted to the cultural differences, I saw a lot of what I must have been like 4 months ago when I arrived. It is interesting to see how much I have adapted actually. All in all, we had a good time. The pictures that are in this post are from our visit to the Old Town section of Bobo-Dioulasso. People in that area live much like they have been here for centuries, keeping their traditions and beliefs part of their daily lives.

Now that Joël is gone, I am confronted once again to the loneliness and boredom I had before his arrival. There really is not much to do here. Its a good thing I have my Brice to keep me company, otherwise, I might go cuckoo-bananas before my two years are up.

I remind myself everyday why I came here. I look around, and I see that there is so much poverty, so much suffering, so much disease, and I know that we need to keep fighting. And I will be damned if I will let them win! No fucking way.